4 am Lullaby

The moon is watching you from the sky
Slowly waltzing in circles
Nothing frightening can reach that far
Where all the pain is encircled

Oh lucky, lucky moon
Oh lucky, lucky moon

You´re merely watching us building walls
Isolation is certain
Masquerading ourselves as dolls
Hiding lives behind curtains

Oh lucky, lucky moon
Oh lucky, lucky moon

Please come down and save me from the

 Edge Between

Starry eyes lamb
Hand in hand running through forgotten lands
Making wishes burning bridges
Living on the edge between the earth and the universe
Blue lights, parasites
Chaotic cities burning from the ground
They were running from their lives
Filled with lies and lacking light
On the edge between the earth and the universe
They´d stayed contradicting their rage
All frayed, pieces of skin sown together
A desperate attempt to mimic a whole
Staring through a filled-up glass or two
Praying for forgiveness

Climbing wallpaper, fingernails sinking into the bedroom door
Crawling underneath the carpet, melting through the floor
They were stuck on the edge between the earth and the universe

Starry eyed you try to understand
But there´s no looking back until you’re through this no-man’s land
To break the spell, you tried to sell your soul
And now you´re stuck in a place where you don´t belong
Mommy’s proud she is holding you tight
A whisper in your ears of how hard she has tried
But there is nothing left to do
There is nothing she can do
This time you can´t break free

Climbing wallpaper, fingernails sinking into the bedroom door
Crawling underneath the carpet, melting through the floor
They were stuck on the edge between the earth and the universe

Starry eyes you’re waiting for a change
Hands together praying for a way
But no one´s listening your screaming turns to whispering
Banished to the edge between the earth and the universe

 Crime Staying up after bedtime

I AM STUCK INSIDE A HOUSE WITHOUT WINDOWS

ON THE FIFTH FLOOR IN A POST-WAR ATMOSPHERE

I AM STUCK INSIDE A CIRCUS LEAVING BREADCRUMBS IN CIRCLES

STRINGS ATTACHED TO EVERY FINGER, EVERY THOUGHT

I AM LOCKED INSIDE A BUILDING WITHOUT STAIRWAYS

ON THE FIFTH FLOOR NO SENSE TO CARE FOR THE WORLD NEXT DOOR

I AM STUCK INSIDE A CIRCUS WATCHING LIONS FEED ON MY CARCASS

RIPPING LIMBS OFF BY TEARING STRINGS OFF

I NEED A RINGING BELL TO CANCEL OUT THE NOISE

I NEED TO DISAPPEAR, I NEED TO DISAPPEAR

I NEED A RINGING BELL TO CANCEL OUT THE NOISE

I NEED TO DISAPPEAR, I NEED TO DISAPPEAR

I AM ONLY ALIVE INSIDE THE WORLD I CREATED

ON THE FIFTH DAY OT THIS CHILD´S PLAY REALITY

I AM TIED TO SOMETHING UNTRUE, A TANGLED WORLDVIEW

BUT THERE´S A GLITCH IN MY SYSTEM, AN ANSWER IS MISSING

A NUMBER IN A CODE WASN´T WRITTEN

YOU GOT ME THINKING I COMMITTED A CRIME STAYING UP AFTER BEDTIME

THAT EVERY LITTLE SIGN

YOU DREW THE LINE AT DISOBEDIENCE

WAS DANGEROUS

CAUSE YOU ARE STRONGER YOU ARE OLDER, YOU ARE TALLER YOU ARE BOLDER

YOU ARE WISER MORE COURAGEOUS, YOU´RE PRODUCTIVE AND DEVOTED

INDEPENDENT AND FORGIVING, YOU´RE A LEADER AN ACHIEVER

YOU´RE COMPETITIVE, INVENTIVE, AND YOU´RE SMART

AND I AM JUST A DEVIL WITH A HEART

I NEED A RINGING BELL TO CANCEL OUT THE NOISE

I NEED TO DISAPPEAR, I NEED TO DISAPPEAR

I NEED A RINGING BELL TO CANCEL OUT THE NOISE

I NEED TO DISAPPEAR, I NEED TO DISAPPEAR

Blood in the sky pt.1

I always try to make it easier to feel and easier to not feel anything
Assigning body parts to point at, one for every emotion, but I ran out of skin.
I always try to make it easier to explain and easier to not feel the need
Dedicating types of breathing, always heaving, running out of air
So I try to stop counting seconds and emotions, running descriptions and compulsions through my head. I try to stop memorizing colours and prescriptions and songs that make me question my existence

There´s blood in the sky
Not falling like rain
It´s spreading through space
replacing every atom in the atmosphere

How can you dare to be free?
How can you dare to be free?

There´s a sickness in the clouds
Not reaching for the ground
Its eating at the blue
Blinding you with anger
Aggravating nonsense, noises filling your subconscious
Winding down, it knows you´re screwed

Cause you´ve been overtaken by thrill of
Ecstasy you feel when you have
Lost control, you´ve trashed your home, and broken every one you said you loved
Looking at the havoc that you caused, you know you´re through

Losing track of all that is true
Who´s asking “How can you dare to be You
When there´s blood in the sky?”

I always try to make it easier to remember and easier to not
Assigning memories and thoughts to blemishes and spots, one for every finger that ever touched my skin, but I ran out before I even could begin. I always try to rationalize, justify and glamorize your violence addiction, your need to poison my conviction that I am as much of a human as you are 

 FLOWERS

(PLEASE WAKE UP, PLEASE WAKE UP, PINCH YOUR CHEEKS, GET ON YOUR FEET WE HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE)

I CAN´T EVEN KEEP A PLANT ALIVE

SO I STICK WIRES IN THEIR STEMS FORCING THEM TO LOOK REVIVED

I DON´T HAVE TIME TO WATER

I DON´T HAVE TIME TO OPEN WINDOWS LET THEM BREATHE

CALL THE DOCTOR I WATCH THEM SEETHE

I WATCH THEM TUMBLING IN SLOWMOTION

LEAVES COVERING MY WINDOWSILLS REMINDING ME THAT I COULD STILL GIVE THEM WHAT THEY NEED

BUT I DON´T

THIS SONG IS ABOUT FLOWERS, I DON´T WRITE ABOUT MYSELF ANYMORE

BUT I DO HAVE A NEW SOUL

I HAVE A NEW SOUL

I HAVE A NEW SOUL, A NEW SOUL TO BREAK IN

I HAVE A NEW SOUL TO BREAK IN

MOLD IT TO TAILOR TO TRESPASSERS

I HAVE A NEW SOUL TO BREAK IN

I BROKE THE LAST ONE

THERE WAS A MARIONETTE FOLLOWING YOUR FINGERTIPS

YOU COULD LIFT THEM BY THEIR HAIR

PLACE THEM THEY´RE COMPLACENT

EAT THEM UP, DIGEST THEM

THROW THEM UP AND REARRANGE THEM

TWIST THEIR HEAD AROUND

HANG THEM UPSIDE DOWN

AND THEY WOULD STILL NEVER EVEN FEEL THE URGE TO KILL

I PROMISED TO STOP PAINTING YOUR PICTURE, I NEED TO MOVE ON

BUT I´VE LATCHED ONTO EVERY WORD YOU TOLD ME

THEIR ROOTS ARE STILL BURROWING DEEPER RELENTLESSLY

I BELIEVE YOU

I´M NOT ENOUGH ON MY OWN BUT MAYBE I´LL BE PERFECT IF I´M PART OF SOMETHING WHOLE

SO MAKE ME A PART OF YOU

STICK WIRES IN MY STEMS I´LL FOLLOW YOUR FINGERTIPS

I´LL FOLLOW YOU, I´LL FOLLOW YOU

I WISH THIS COULD BE THE END

BUT I DO HAVE A NEW SOUL

I HAVE A NEW SOUL

I HAVE A NEW SOUL, A NEW SOUL TO BREAK IN

I HAVE A NEW SOUL TO BREAK IN

MOLD IT TO TAILOR TO TRESPASSERS

I HAVE A NEW SOUL TO BREAK IN

I BROKE THE LAST ONE

 LOOK AT ME

LOOK AT ME SMILING WITH MY TEETH

LOOK AT MY WASHED OUT CHEEKS AND MY FALLING KIND OF WALKING

LOOK AT ME MOVING LIKE I´M FREE

ACTING LIKE I´M FULLY ME

SMILING WITH MY TEETH

SMILING WITH MY

BLOOD SHOT EYES

WORN OUT LIES

LOOK AT MY WISE DISGUISE

A DEVIL WEARING MAKEUP LIKE A CLOWN

CLOWN

A DEVIL WEARING CHAOS LIKE A CROWN

WEAR IT LIKE A CLOWN

DROWN

DROWN MY VOICE

JUST LIKE YOU DROWNED MY CHOISE

SURPRESS YOUR CHILDRENS SCREAMS

BUT LISTEN FOR ANY EXPOSING QUIVERS

FEEL MY LAUGHTER TRICKLING DOWN YOUR SPINE

NOTHING IS TOO BORDERLINE ABOUT A DEVIL WEARING MAKEUP LIKE A CLOWN

CLOWN

LOOK AT ME SMILING

LOOK AT MY MEMORIES PILING

MORE TO FORGET

JUST MORE TO FORGET

LOOK AT ME NOW

 SINCERELY, THE LITTLE ONE

YOU GREW UP WITHOUT ME

HOW COULD YOU HAVE KNOWN I STAYED BEHIND?

WHEN YOU NEVER MOVE YOUR EYES AWAY FROM WHAT´S IN FRONT OF YOU

SINK YOUR TEETH INTO ANYTHING THAT COULD TAKE YOU AWAY FROM OUR REALITY

YOU PUSH YOUR WAY UNCONSCIOUSNESS WITH ALL YOUR SENSES CLOSED

AND I AM LEFT TO CARRY ALL THE TRAUMAS YOU´VE DISPOSED OF

(I´LL CARRY THE MEMORIES, THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES)

(I´LL CARRY THE MEMORIES, THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES)

YOU BUILT YOUR BODY WITHOUT ME

AND I WAS LEFT IN YOUR SHELL OF BUTTONS AND CHANGE

ROSES AND CHAINS

MAKE THE ARMOR KEEPING ME TOGETHER

IT KEEPS ME INSIDE OF THE BARRICADE THAT YOU BUILT AROUND US

I´M NOT AFRAID OF HAVING MY THOUGHTS SPILLING OUT OF MY HEAD

BUT YOU MADE SURE THEY COULDN´T BE SPREAD

AND NOW I´M LEFT TO CARRY ALL THE TRAUMAS THAT YOU FLED

(I´LL CARRY THE MEMORIES, THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES)

(I´LL CARRY THE MEMORIES, THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES)

I´LL TURN IT TO A GAME

CHASE YOU CHASING REINS

THERE´S NOTHING THAT COULD SHOCK ME IN YOUR TWISTED STATE OF PAIN

I´M NOT SCARED OF FIGHTING THOUGHTS

GETTING LOST IN YOUR MAZE OF KNOTS

THERE´S NOTHING THAT COULD SCARE ME IN YOUR TWISTED STATE OF SHAME

SHAME

I´LL GLADLY BEAR THE BURDEN OF YOUR RELICS AND YOUR CHAINS

(I´LL CARRY THE MEMORIES, THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES)

(I´LL CARRY THE MEMORIES, THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES)

(I´LL CARRY THE MEMORIES, THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES)

(I´LL CARRY THE MEMORIES, THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES)

Have we met? 

Have we met before?
I think I know you
I know your
Captivating complications
Devastating calculations
Have we met before?
I think I´ve known you

Have I felt alive
I think I felt it
Before the
Captivating isolation
Suffocating liberation
Did I feel alive?
I think Ive felt it

Have I been myself
Since I met you?
Since the
Captivating detonation
Liberating devastation
Have I met myself
Since I´ve been you

 Halt!

Small talk, air blocks, free fall, help, Halt!
There´s someone else inside my head
I´ve been drinking, smoking, thinking
Is that a crime?
Hating, waiting, unbreaking every broken bone in my left hand, every nerve I pulled out of my chest, while you were tying me up

Every day I scrape away skin, spots, knots and thoughts
It´s just a game we play, a gunpoint ballet
Rearranging words in my mouth
To fit your reality

Your threats they showcased the panic in check mate when someone new is making demands
You were losing control, your kingdom exposed as what it was, a lie, a sadistic little playground for your
Testing, wrestling, protesting the hollers of my hollow empty inside
After living off an engine
Silencing the screaming for a break
I won´t break

Every day I fall astray fighting your deceptive blaze
It´s just a bold display of our fake array
Provocative because I won´t buy your authority

Call me a clown
Call me a clown
Call me a clown
Call me a clown

Call me a clown
Call me a clown
Call me a clown
I´m already down

I´m not scared of laughter
I´m not scared of chains
I´not scared of cages
Im not scared of names

Every day I sort away the memories that clogs up my brain
It´s just self-defense, it´s common sense
To rearrange the words in my mind
To make you disappear

 Violent mess

Why are you doing this?
Are your memories glitching too?
Why are you piercing through?
Do you have scratch marks on your flesh like I do?
Are you a violent mess?
Crawling through distress?
Is your strength eclipsed by the sickness by the blue?
Answer me moon
Answer me moon
Answer me moon
Answer me moon

 YOUR CLOWN

I AM FLOATING ABOVE MY HEAD

AND MY FEET ARE DIGGING THEIR WAY THROUGH THE GROUND

MY BODY´S STUCK AND MY MIND HAS HAD ENOUGH

I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR CLOWN ANYMORE

I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR CLOWN ANYMORE

I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR CLOWN ANYMORE

I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR CLOWN, CLOWN, CLOWN

I SWALLOWED THE KEYS TO MY CAGE BUT I KNOW I´LL GET OUT

I DON´T CARE IF YOU BELIEVE ME

I´LL RIP THEM OUT OF MY CHEST

I´LL FIND MY WAY OUT THE DOOR

SHOOT A HOLE THROUGH THE FLOOR

I´LL TEAR MYSELF OUT OF THE COSTUME YOU GLUED TO MY SKIN

I´LL GET OUT OF MY SKIN

CAUSE I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR CLOWN ANYMORE

I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR CLOWN ANYMORE

I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR CLOWN

I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR CLOWN

THERE´S NO WAY YOU COULD CONTAIN ME

I´VE ESCAPED EVERY CELL

YOU CAN´T RESTRAIN ME

I´M THE CHAIN AROUND YOUR NECK

I´M THE PAIN IN YOUR CHEST

I AM THE SHAME THAT YOU PRAY YOU COULD FORGET

BUT I WON´T BE YOUR CLOWN ANYMORE

I WON´T BE YOUR CLOWN ANYMORE

I WON´T BE YOUR CLOWN ANYMORE

I WON´T BE YOUR CLOWN

I WON´T BE YOUR CLOWN

I WON´T BE YOUR CLOWN

I WON´T BE YOUR CLOWN, CLOWN, CLOWN

Blood in the sky pt.2 

There´s a crack in our foundation
A five-story building built on bones that weren´t grown yet
Of course, they couldn´t hold the weight
You should be more surprised
This prison stands

It has to be worth it
The tears and the panic attacks in this waiting room
It will be worth it soon
I can´t keep holding up a wall that might not even fall
If I let go

I´m tired of metaphors
Rhymes remorse just reinforcing
Every lie I´ve told to keep myself from asking million-dollar questions
Leaving no more room for seconds
Every moment´s to be filled

I document my breathing
Chronicles of heaving
I´m so tired of synonyms
Dictionaries doctored hymns
I don´t want to read another word I´ve written
Ever again
They don´t make any sense

 5 am lullaby

The moon is watching you from the sky slowly waltzing in circles
Nothing frightening can reach that far
Where all the pain is encircled

Oh lucky, lucky moon
Oh lucky, lucky moon

The clown on the fifth floor
with dynamite in their core
Chasing glitters in the air
hunting monsters in their underwear

oh baby don´t be scared
the clown is locked up there

The Clown on the Fifth Floor
With their insides upside-down
Has a guard to guide their thoughts
A shadow to contain the rot

oh baby don´t be scared
the clown is locked up there

You´re merely watching us building walls, isolation is certain
Masquerading ourselves as dolls
Hiding lives behind curtains

Oh lucky, lucky moon
Oh lucky, lucky moon

The clown on the fifth floor
ran out of doors
and someone covered
their windows in cement

oh baby don´t be scared
the clown is locked up there

But we´ll be fucked, if the fifth floor falls